Thursday 6 December 2012

Quotes to get you thinking

10) “Remember that failure is an event, not a person.”

9) “You will get all you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.”

8 ) “People often say motivation doesn’t last. Neither does bathing—that’s why we recommend it daily.”

7) “There has never been a statue erected to honor a critic.”

6) “People don’t buy for logical reasons. They buy for emotional reasons.”

5) “Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.”

4) “If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find
them everywhere.”

3) “A goal properly set is halfway reached.”

2) “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.”

1) “If you can dream it, you can achieve it.”

Monday 23 July 2012

Dancing in the rain

10 Happiness Mistakes We Often Make
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass,
it’s about learning to dance in the rain.
I liked this post that I found on another blog - the thought of dancing in the rain resonates particularly - from running.  It's the moment when you look outside and see that the rolling grey clouds have moved in where, before, there was blue sky.  And you say to yourself: "Maybe today is not the day for a run? It looks miserable.  I'd probably get a cold.  You shouldn't have to run in awful conditions. . . " And on the negative chatter goes.

When all you have to do - is get out and run anyway.  And exult. Invite the raindrops.  Thrill in the sensation.  And discover, in no time, that you are having a ball.A little like the little girl in the photo perhaps.

Second observation - I find it all too easy to look at the 10 pointers belwo and immediately nod my head to how OTHERS are guilty of these paths to unhappiness.  And then I pinch myself and ask - really ask - how many times am I slipping into these habits myself. And you?

============================================================================
A person does not have to be behind bars to be a prisoner.  People can be prisoners of their own concepts, choices and ideas.  So tell the negativity committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.
When you dream, you better dream big; when you think, you better think big; and when you love, you better love truthfully.  Happiness is a choice.  There are no excuses for not trying to make the very best out of your life.  There are no excuses for living in a way that consistently makes you unhappy.

Here are ten happiness mistakes to avoid:
  1. Thinking that you have already missed your chance. – Your life, with all its ups and downs, has molded you for the greater good.  Your life has been exactly what it needed to be.  Don’t think you’ve lost time.  It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the current moment.  And every moment of your life, including this one right now, is a fresh start.  If you have the courage to admit when you’re scared, the ability to laugh even as you cry, the nerve to speak up even if your voice is shaking, the confidence to ask for help when you need it, and the wisdom to take it when it’s offered, then you have everything you need to get yourself to a better place.  Read The Power of Habit.
  2. Using failed relationships as an excuse. – Life doesn’t always introduce you to the people you WANT to meet.  Sometimes life puts you in touch with the people you NEED to meet – to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to gradually strengthen you into the person you were meant to become.
  3. Changing who you are to satisfy others. – No matter how loud their opinions are, others cannot choose who you are.  The question should not be, “Why don’t they like me when I’m being me?” It should be, “Why am I wasting my time worrying what they think of me?”  If you are not hurting anyone with your actions, keep moving forward with your life.  Be happy.  Be yourself.  If others don’t like it, then let them be.  Life isn’t about pleasing everybody.
  4. Putting up with negative people and negative thinking. – It’s time to walk away from all the drama and the people who create it.  Surround yourself with those who make you smile.  Love the people who treat you right, and pray for the ones who don’t.  Forget the negative and focus on the positive.  Life is too short to be anything but happy.  Making mistakes and falling down is a part of life, but getting back up and moving on is what LIVING is all about.
  5. Focusing all of your attention on another time and place. – This day will never happen again.  Enjoy it.  Cherish your time.  It’s often hard to tell the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.  Someday you may discover that the small things were really the big things.  So learn to appreciate what you have before time forces you appreciate what you once had.  Read The Power of Now.
  6. Overlooking what you have to focus on what you haven’t. – Most people end up cheating on others and themselves because they pay more attention to what they’re missing, rather than what they have.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, think about what you have that everyone else is missing.
  7. Dwelling on the things you can’t change. – If you hadn’t fallen down, you would never have learned how to get back on your feet.  If you hadn’t been forced to let go and move on, you’d never have learned that you have the strength to stand on your own.  If you hadn’t lost hope, you would never have found your faith.  The best often comes after the worst happens.  You can either move on, or you can dwell on the things you can’t change.  Either way life does move on with or without you.  So learn from the past and then get the heck out of there.  You will always grow stronger from the pain if you don’t let it destroy you.
  8. Constantly sacrificing your own happiness for everyone else. – Never let your own happiness wither away as you try to bring sunshine to others.  Life is not about making others happy.  Life is about being honest and sharing your happiness with them.
  9. Losing track of your own goals and ideals. – Knowing who you are is one thing, but truly believing and living as yourself is another.  With all the social conditioning in our society we sometimes forget to stay true to ourselves.  Don’t lose yourself out there.  In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, stay true to your awesome self.  Read The Art of Non-Conformity.
  10. Dealing with the stress of deceiving others. – If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT!  If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE!  If you say you feel something, MEAN IT!  If you can’t, won’t, and don’t, then DON’T LIE.  It’s always better to tell people the truth up front.  Live in such a way that if someone decided to attack your character, no one would believe it.  Live so that when the people around you think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you.
And remember, life will never be perfect, no matter how hard you try.  Even if you pour your heart and soul into it, you will never achieve a state of absolute perfection.  There will always be moments of uncertainty; there will always be days where nothing goes right.  But as time rolls on you will learn that even the most imperfect situations can be made better with a little love and laughter.

Reminders - as if you needed them . . .

Monday 18 June 2012

You can't beat a good hug!

It's official - studies now confirm that 20-second hugs raise oxytocin levels, which release feel-good chemicals in your body (according to research by Terri Orbuch, Ph.D.)

And if you are parted from your favourite hugger, try giving yourself a hug (apparently it works!) but try not to be too obvious - just pretend to be really absorbed by your PC screen!!

Sunday 20 May 2012

Here is a collection of ideas (from numerous sources) to help in the pursuit of well-being:

Fun stuff you mightn’t have thought about . . . .
1.         Keep a gratitude journal 
People who keep a gratitude journal, who each night before going to sleep write at least five things for which they are grateful, big things or little things, are happier, more optimistic, more successful, more likely to achieve their goals, physically healthier - it actually strengthens our immune system.
2.         Laugh more – take time to see the funny side
Health benefits of laughter are far-ranging:  studies so far have shown that laughter can help relieve pain, bring greater happiness, and even increase immunity
3.         Play to your strengths
Unhappy people spend a disproportionate amount of their time on aspects of their life that are not their ‘signature strengths’ at the expense of those that are.  What are your ‘signature strengths’?
4.         Practice random acts of kindness
Surprisingly, the benefits for the giver are even greater than for the receiver – it’s worth trying.
5.         Give something back – find a cause
Committing to someone or something greater than yourself makes a real difference – try it!

Doesn’t sound like fun – but just as important. . .
6.         Improve your sleep – keep a diary to record your sleep (to help improve quality and quantity)
More people die on the road every year due to sleep-deficit than drink-driving.  If you don’t get your fill of sleep you are starting your day at a severe disadvantage.
7.         Eat smarter – graze more, eat less sugar.  Keep your sugar ‘spikes’ to a minimum.
Sugar ‘spikes’ result in the brain instructing the pancreas to secrete insulin – which leads to a sugar ‘trough’.  These highs and lows impact your well-being (they also make it harder to keep unwanted pounds away).
8.        Exercise every day – just walk more?
Three times a week for 30 to 40 minutes of aerobic exercise (walking or aerobics or dancing) is equivalent to some of our most powerful psychiatric drugs in dealing with depression or sadness or anxiety
9.         Be positive, sensibly optimistic - remember Henry Ford
 “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re probably right”
10.       Reflect / Meditate – switch off for 5 minutes, just be
Whether you pursue  meditation or relaxation techniques, the benefits are well researched and documented

Links to related research/advice:


3.      http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx  
 
[see the questionnaire on VIA Survey of Character Strengths)








Monday 7 May 2012

Top five regrets of the dying

The top five regrets of the dying

A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying:
 
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

Must dash!

Here's a goodie (courtesy of someone who 'gets' happiness)

The Dash
I read of a man who stood to speak,
At the funeral of a Friend.
He referred to the dates on this tombstone,
From beginning ….to the end.
He noted that first, came his date of birth,
And spoke the following tears.
But he said what mattered most of all,
Was the dash in between those years.
For the dash represents,
All the time he spent alive on earth.
And how only those who loved him,
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own,
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters most is how we live and love,
And how we spend our dash …
So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough,
To consider what is true and real.
And always try to understand,
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more,
And love the people in our lives,
Like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile …
Remembering that this special dash,
Might only last a little while.
So when your eulogy is being read,
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
And how your spent your dash?    

Just One Thing

In this age of attention deficit, a One Minute insight is always welcome?

Risk Hanson wrote a book called



Just One Thing: Developing A Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time 


Here is a link to a YouTube piece in which he describes the practice of 'Being Glad' (there are lots more besides - let me know if you find one that really appeals to you)

Be Glad


Monday 30 April 2012

More ideas on flourishing

After a soujorn, I'm back to post some thoughts on happiness.  Here is a 10 point plan (taken from an Oz site on happiness) that is worth a look:


10 ways to flourish

 
Step 1: Make a decision to be happy - start to believe that happiness is a possibility. Make a decision to recognise that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes (some not entirely visible). Happiness is essentially a choice, but you need to believe it is achievable.

It’s also crucial to realise that your happiness is predominantly your responsibility, so if you want to enjoy and get more out of life, you need to take charge.

Step 2: Determine what happiness and inner beauty mean to you. Some people are born with exceptional genes, that contribute to them being seen as attractive by others. But there are other ways to make yourself attractive and “beautiful” to yourself and others, so reflect on (and/or ask someone who knows you well) your inner attributes and qualities and start to consider what you can do to maximise these traits and bring out your best.

Along similar lines, work out what’s important in your life and what you need to do to get more of it into your life. Research suggests happy people tend to know who they are, what they want to achieve and where they’re going; they set goals and they make plans.

Remember, if you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s. And guess what they may have planned for you? Not much!

Step 3: Think optimistically about achieving the life you want. Henry Ford once said: “If you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” Optimistic thinking is probably the factor that most determines happiness and, interestingly, optimism is far more visible than we sometimes realise. Those who think optimistic thoughts (ie positive and realistic) smile more and experience more positive emotions; those who experience more positive emotions are more liked by others. Our thoughts influence our actions and reactions, including aspects of our appearance, so optimism undoubtedly contributes to beauty and the good news is, if you’re not naturally optimistic, you can learn to be!

So, without losing sight of reality, be positive and stay focused on doing what you want and need for happiness.

Step 4: Don’t go it alone. It might be a cliché, but life is a journey and there’s no doubt that the journey will be far more enjoyable if you’re accompanied by people who are important to you and to whom you are important. In 2002, in one of the most significant research studies published in the positive psychology literature, Ed Diener and Martin Seligman found that, along with optimism, good-quality relationships are significant determinants of happiness and, further, good relationships enhance our experience of positive emotions, which, again, boosts beauty.

You’ve probably heard or read about people who are in love and “glowing”. Well, you can capitalise on this and increase your inner beauty by building and fostering the relationships in your life from which you and others will benefit. Helping others makes us feel good about ourselves. Studies conducted by Professor Stephen Post in the US show that helping others builds a bank of goodwill, an investment that brings good things back to us, from feelings of wellbeing to others giving back to us.

Step 5: Get yourself organised and make plans. Success, happiness and beauty, however they’re defined, require a certain degree of good management. Happy people tend to possess more effective and more active coping strategies, such as time-management and problem-solving skills, at least in part, because by utilising these strategies they minimise worry and distress (which, not surprisingly, can be enemies of happiness and beauty).

So do what you can to effectively manage problems and overcome difficulties in your life, but don’t forget that none of us has 100 per cent control over everything. Be sensible — you can’t really go wrong if you learn to control what you can control, accept what you can’t control and be wise enough to know the difference.

Step 6: Live a healthy life. Not everyone wants to run marathons or even to go to the gym on a regular basis, and not everyone wants to become vegan or even vegetarian. Now, I have nothing against marathon-running vegans, but we all need to find a healthy and balanced regime that suits us, our lifestyles and our personalities.

If you can find this balance, then happiness and success and, ultimately, beauty are more likely to be yours if you eat well, keep active and ensure you get enough sleep and rest.

Step 7: Have fun! Although it might sound obvious, one of the simplest paths to happiness is to engage in more activities you find pleasurable and enjoyable.

Try a wine-tasting class, take a dance class or take up creative writing.

Step 8: Find a greater sense of meaning.  In 2008, an article in the Journal of Personality, described how a group of researchers, including Michael Steger and Todd Kashdan, confirmed that the search for meaning was associated with wellbeing.

Not everyone chooses to live a traditionally religious life, but we all benefit emotionally from finding some form of spirituality or higher meaning in our lives. This might simply be finding a way to believe there’s more to life than ourselves as individuals and that there’s more to life than a series of daily tasks. It might mean practising meditation, mindfulness, appreciation and gratitude. Or we may need to simply spend time in the elements “wowing” the miracles of nature.

Step 9: Go with your strengths. Happy (and successful) people are significantly more aware of and better at utilising their core strengths. So, instead of doing what many of us are trained to do, which is work hard on fixing all our faults and weaknesses, adopt a different approach and find out what you’re good at as well as ways to apply these strengths as often and as much as possible.

Focusing on what we’re good at also involves appreciating our own inner beauty and loving ourselves for what we find and see. This is immensely more effective than comparing ourselves to others, which research suggests only leads to dissatisfaction and unhappiness (read Clive Hamilton’s book, Affluenza).

Step 10: Persevere. Stick at it. Although there are a lucky few to whom happiness comes easily and for whom beauty is something they were born with, for many people it will require some degree of diligence and hard work. Don’t be afraid to work at attaining happiness and don’t forget that beauty can come to those who want it in many different forms. Sure, it might take time to master some of the steps outlined here, but there’s no reason why you can’t start working your way to happiness and beauty now.

“Achieving happiness (and beauty) requires nothing more than practising a few simple disciplines every day.”