I'll be happy when . . . . :-(

I came across a good piece this morning on the above:

Having spent many years working with people trying to find happiness (and achieve various forms of success) I’ve discovered that one of the main obstacles to happiness is what I’ve come to call "the tyranny of when": the phenomenon we’ve all experienced at some time or other when we say to ourselves (or to others) that "I’ll be happy when...when I have more money, when I have a bigger house, when I have a better job, when I lose some weight, when I find the love of my life, when [insert pretty much anything you like in here]".

There’s nothing inherently wrong with aspiring to be and to have more, the problem for many people is that (for a variety of reasons) they never get there; and even if they do, they then think of something else that they "need" before they can really feel happy.

In recent years positive psychologists have come to refer to this as the "hedonic treadmill" which is a great metaphor likening the experience to one where we’re constantly running, as though on a treadmill chasing that carrot, and never actually getting anywhere! As a result, we don’t every really get to experience as much joy or satisfaction as we’d like but, even worse than not experiencing positive emotions like happiness, such an approach to life can actually cause us to feel frustrated, disappointed and downright miserable (how else would you feel if you frequently imagined a wonderful reward or prize but never quite got your hands on it?).

(For the theory and evidence behind this approach, check out the American academic, Professor Barbara Fredrickson, for the "broaden and build theory of positive emotions").

Remedy?

Live in the present.

Cherish what we have.

Express gratitude.

. . . after a while the same messages appear again and again.  The trick is to practice them a lttle more every day.